Life-Size Isaac Figure Launches Today!

Maestro Media is proud to announce, for a limited time, a new exclusive canonical life-size Isaac figure!

This figure joins our already impressive range, and we are excited for fans to finally get their hands on something we have been working on for so long.

“We are really proud to announce this exciting new figure,” Maestro Media CEO Javon Frazier tells us. “We always take feedback from our fans very seriously. When we asked what our fans thought about our existing Isaac figure, one response really stuck with us. They replied “Bigger.” Just that. And we thought, why not, you know? Why not bigger? It all started there.”

A leading creative involved in the design process, who would prefer to remain anonymous, said: “There are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed… We were so caught up in thinking about what we could do, no one stopped to ask what we should do.”

Some fans were lucky enough to get their hands on early prototypes. When asked for comment, one fan told us “I think the cat is scared of it,” before admitting after a pause, “I think I’m scared of it”.

Another fan revealed to us they were sure they could hear the figure crying at night. “It’s been keeping me from sleeping. I just wish I knew what it wanted from me. Yesterday, I was playing some Isaac and I kept hearing it cry… It was so distracting, I couldn’t even get out of The Basement - and that’s level one of Isaac!”

A third fan told us their partner destroyed their figure after “hearing the Voice of the Lord command them to.” This fan disclosed to us that they suspect foul play. “It all just seems a bit convenient doesn’t it, this ‘Voice of the Lord’ business? I think they just wanted an excuse to get rid of it.”

With such glowing early reviews, it is expected the new figure will become a bestseller in no time. Available for the bargain price of 6 payments of $109 each, you can pick up your own canonical life-size Isaac starting today, while stocks last!

When asked for comment, the creator of the Binding of Isaac, Edmund McMillen, is reported to have said: “Horrifying. I want five of them.”